hamilton show layout

On the occasions I actually sit down and do some scrapbooking, I've been going back to some old photos and making some fairly simple layouts just to get the pictures out of the box and into the album.

Here's one I finished recently. It's a double layout from the 2007 Hamilton Show. 

I used some old Kaisercraft papers for this layout. I had some papers from this collection ("Party Animals") in my stash, but not the one I wanted, so I had to dig through a rather huge pile of papers that no one wants any more at the scrapbooking shop to find it. The alphas are also by Kaisercraft, coloured with a combination of paints that I mixed for ages and still didn't quite get to match the paper.

they might be giants

I’m fortunate enough to have seen three of my all-time top-five musical artists live. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve seen Paul Kelly live – the most recent was in 2011 for one of his A to Z shows. I saw REM in Sydney in 2005 on their Around the Sun tour.

And I saw They Might Be Giants in Canberra in 1997. 

Yeah I've held on to this for 16 years

I’ve been a fan of They Might Be Giants since my friend Liz introduced me to their 1990 album Flood. The TMBG recordings, while not at fan-girl completist levels (largely because I’m missing a lot of their podcasts), make up one of the largest collections in my CD library.

Since 1997 I think they have been back to Australia only once, in 2001. When I heard earlier this year that not only were they going to tour Australia, but there was a possibility Tasmania might be getting a concert, I was pretty excited.

The initial tour dates were announced . . . and Hobart wasn’t included. I wasn’t altogether surprised, because we often miss out on acts coming here. But as time went on, more dates were added to the tour and (to screams of excitement from me and some Twitter friends) a show in Hobart.

Tickets were promptly purchased, and then the long period of anticipation before the show began. Perhaps what made this more fun than most loooong waits, was the ability to follow TMBG on Twitter, tell them how excited we were that they were coming, and hear about the tour preparations and, closer to the date, how the other shows on the tour had gone.  

That’s when it started to get really exciting: hearing about the set lists from other shows and wondering which songs we’d get to hear.

To get ready for the show, I devoted my entire radio program the week before to TMBG and played some of my favourite tracks dating back to their first releases in 1986. 

I asked John F on Twitter what is one thing TMBG would like me to say to my listeners, and he replied, “Melody is where we’re at!” And indeed it is – one of the band’s slogans is “Installing and Servicing Melody Since 1982”.

And finally, after weeks of anticipation, They Might Be Giants Day was here!

The show was at the Wrest Point Show Room, which is a venue I’d never been to before. By the time we got there, the centre of the room was pretty full, front to back, so we found ourselves a place off to the side of the stage, almost but not quite behind the speakers, but close to the front. The best thing about that spot was being able to see some of the behind the scenes activity and also the fact that no one else really wanted to stand there, so we had a fair bit of space to dance in. (Yes, I actually danced. In public.)

So what about the show?

Dodgy iPhone photo

Well, my first reaction was that it was amazing. I was so pumped. It was the most fun I’ve had in, like, forever. Really. The set list was a great mix of old and new songs, and I knew them all. 

There were a couple of songs that stood out for me as highlights because I especially wanted to hear them played live, and TMBG did not disappoint.

Best shot I managed to get from our vantage point

Firstly, Fingertips, the composite song made up of 21 individual tracks from the album Apollo 18. I noticed it had cropped up in some of the earlier shows, so I was really hoping we’d get to hear it too. (It’s the perfect song to use to introduce Juniordwarf to TMBG and he’s become quite attached to it.)

An unexpected, but very much appreciated treat, was the instrumental version of The Famous Polka (I deliberately didn’t examine the previous set lists too closely so that there would still be an element of surprise for me). Highly energetic and infectiously so. 

And a song that I’ve only recently got to know well, The Mesopotamians, which is just so cute. Can a song be cute? Surely. Well I think I have a little crush on Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal and Gilgamesh now.

Flans in action

The band really rocked the whole show. What a fantastic evening!

The full set list (100% accuracy not guaranteed due to a mild case of over-excitement):

When Will You Die

Don’t Let’s Start

Memo To Human Resources

Letterbox

Call You Mom

Circular Karate Chop

Birdhouse In Your Soul

Fingertips

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Dr Worm (featuring John L on the accordian)

The Famous Polka

Cowtown

Cloisonné (the song that features the bass clarinet – John F told the story on a radio interview of how previously they had toured with a bass sax, which in hindsight had been a bit big to be transporting all over the place for only one song, so this time they were bringing the bass clarinet. It sat there all evening just begging to be played.)

The bass clarinet has its moment in the sun

Nanobots

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

Eye Of The Tiger (instrumental)

He’s Loco (performed by the John and John Avatars of They on screen while the band had a short break)

Lost My Mind

Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head

New York City

Ana Ng

You’re On Fire

Damn Good Times

Encore 1:

Clap Your Hands

The Guitar (The Lion Sleeps Tonight)

Why Does The Sun Shine? (The Sun Is A Mass Of Incandescent Gas)

Encore 2:

The Mesopotamians

Dead

I liked the book-ending of the show with songs referencing death. I also thought it was neat that they played The Guitar, with its spaceship references, on the day that the crew from the International Space Station Mission 35 returned to Earth, though possibly that was just good timing rather than a deliberate inclusion, as the song cropped up on other shows during the tour.

(Speaking of space missions, I also found out, while I was researching my radio program, that NASA had asked TMBG to be Musical Ambassadors for International Space Year in 1992. Cool.) 

So – this ranks right up there as one of the most fun nights of my life. Thank you John and John for including us in your tour and for putting on such a memorable show. Please come back soon!

Dunalley Hotel

Yesterday we went to Dunalley, the small town that was devastated by a huge bushfire in January.

The road to Dunalley

I’ve tried several times to write about the trip, but what can you say when faced with such huge devastation? It was heartbreaking to see the effects of the fire, but inspiring to see things like the new school that was up and running for the start of the school year, about a month after the fire.

We had lunch at the Dunalley Hotel. I have a vague connection to this pub, as my Great Great Great Grandfather built it.

Dunalley Hotel

 

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The original hotel was built in 1866 and burnt down in 1891. My Great Great Great Grandfather, Alfred Dorman, was the builder of the new hotel. 

My mother, the family historian, did some digging into the story of Alfred, and found that he arrived in Tasmania in 1883 under a program intended to increase the supply of skilled labour in the state.  He lived in Hobart and worked as a builder on projects including a number of hotels and Marine Board buildings. 

The plans for the new Dunalley Hotel were drawn up by Robert Huckson, the architect whom Alfred had worked with on some of the Marine Board projects. Alfred was engaged to construct the new hotel. It would seem that once the building had been completed, the insurance money paid to the previous owner of the hotel was nowhere to be found and so the building was auctioned. It was purchased by a Queensland investor, who installed Alfred as licensee.

This appeared to have been a wise move for Alfred, as he was able to build a large accommodation block adjoining the pub to house people involved in the construction of the nearby Dension Canal, who presumably would also have regularly patronised the pub. Such was Alfred's investment in the area (he also successfully tendered for some of the work associated with the canal project), that one of the locals named the canal ‘Dorman’s Ditch’, a name that stuck for quite some time.

 

Alfred did so well out of the hotel and the other projects that he was able to buy it in 1912, but sold it two years later. After taking a world tour with his wife and three of his children, he returned to the area and purchased a property at Eaglehawk Neck, where he first started apple farming, then turned to vegetable farming and timber milling. He remained there until he died in 1933.

View from the pub looking to the Dunalley Fish Market

We had a great lunch at the pub (which has been refurbished and added to considerably since 1891) and then went for a drive (in the wrong direction, well done navigator). We didn’t have a lot of time today as we left fairly late in the morning due to other commitments, so we didn’t have the chance to look around as much as I’d have liked to.

We did, however, stop in at the Copping Museum on the way home, where local wine tastings were available. We picked up a couple of bottles, a Pinot Gris from Yaxley Estate, which lost most of its vines in the fires and is hoping to rebuild to begin producing wine for 2015, and a Cabernet Merlot from Bream Creek Vineyard.  The last Bream Creek Merlot we had was one we’d bought on our trip to Dunalley for our wedding anniversary in 2005 and cellared in our extensive wine cellar* to be opened on a future anniversary.

So it was a short half day trip to what is a beautiful part of the state. Next time we go I want to spend more time in the area and have a really good look around and find some of the places mentioned in my mother's research. Maybe even camp for a couple of days. I’ve heard there’s a great campground in the Tasman National Park.

*Not extensive and not a cellar. There is wine though.

the boy and the flower

I finished off a couple more layouts this weekend. Both of them, I can quite proudly say, involved using all products I already had at home, other than one sheet of cardboard.

The first one is a photo of Juniordwarf when he was at the height of his "don't take any more photos of me, Mum" period. He actually asked me to take a photo of him. I was happy to oblige.

Kaisercraft "Rewind" Collection

I really love these papers for boy layouts. This is a good thing, because I have a lot of them.

The second one relates back to a blog post I did last year.

Basic Grey "Infuse Collection"

One of the die cuts from "Infuse"

K & Co mini folder to hold the journalling

After I'd finished the layout I realised I needed to tell the story of why this flower gets its own layout. I was lucky enough to find a small folder that matched the colours of the layout that I could hide the story in - the story is the same as last year's blog post (you need to scroll past the Hipstamatic stuff to read the story there).

And I think this might be the first layout I've done that hasn't included any photos.

another end - and a new beginning

Today was Juniordwarf’s last day of daycare.

He’s been very excited about it, and had counting down the days to his last day since before school finished last year.

On the other hand, I’m feeling a little bit sad and nostalgic about it all. I shed a few tears when we dropped him off this morning – and a few more on the way home after we picked him up. I think his educators at the child care centre were also a little sad that Juniordwarf – and some of the other older children too – would be leaving this week. Apparently one of his friends was in tears last Monday because she thought that was going to be his last day and she wouldn’t see him any more. I think she was pretty upset today too.

Juniordwarf has been going to daycare ever since he was about nine months old. When he was a baby, I stayed at home with him full time for six months, and Slabs was a stay at home dad for the next six months. After Juniordwarf turned one, we both started working part time, three days a week, so we needed to put him into daycare for one day a week.

In preparation for Slabs going back to work, we started taking him in to daycare for an hour at a time, to get him used to being there and not being with one of us. Over the next three months, we gradually built up the time he was there until he was happy to spend a full day there. When Slabs changed his hours, Juniordwarf started doing two days a week in daycare, and last year, once he started 3 day kinder, he dropped back to one day. 

I say happy because, despite the fact that for at least the first two years he used to cry almost every single time we dropped him off, he has seemed to enjoy himself there, he’s done some things he never would have got the chance to do at home and has made some friends. His educators have all been fantastic with him, and he’s been attached to all of them, especially the people who have been his main carers during the time he’s been in their particular rooms.

Now Juniordwarf is ready to start full-time school, and his time at daycare has come to an end. He agreed to give one of his favourite toys to the little kids’ room as a farewell gift – he’s finally outgrown it and it’s time to pass it on to some kids who we hope will get as much enjoyment out of it as he has.

Daycare has been such a big part of his life for the past four and half years, it’s strange to think of him not going there any more. He’s leaving part of his childhood behind and moving on to the next stage of his life as a fully fledged schoolboy.

So while this time last year I was feeling sad that he was taking his first steps into formal education, and into the bigger ‘system’ that is our lives, there was still a lot of his life as a little kid in our lives – daycare, my Tuesdays off as a tryhard mum-at-home, kids under 5 get in free to most places, participating in the various preschool kids activities around the place and that sort of thing.

In just over a week that will all be over and he will be a full-time school kid. Kinder is over and real school begins. It’s an exciting time for Juniordwarf. I know he’s looking forward to it. I asked if he was feeling sad because he wouldn’t have his Tuesdays at home with me any more, and he said, ‘No.’ I asked him why, and he said, ‘because I like school.’ I’m hoping that attitude will stick around for as long as possible!

Several parents have told me it’s a big jump from Kinder to Prep, because of both the increase in the time he’ll spend at school and the more formal atmosphere of the prep classroom compared to the kinder one. It will be interesting to see how he copes.

And it will be interesting to see how I cope too, because with the end of Juniordwarf’s ‘little kid’ days, I feel like part of my identity – that of mum-at-home, which has been part of my make-up since 2006 – will go with it. So in a way I am losing two things at once. It is an emotional time for me, and I want to acknowledge this as a significant milestone in my life. Not as significant as the transformation to ‘mum-at-home’ in the first place (and wasn’t that a shock to the system!), but still an event to be marked and reflected on.

I feel OK about being sad about it, and recognising it as an end, because too often I don’t take the time to properly process things and to recognise and acknowledge my feelings. The result is that those things have a habit of coming back and upsetting me all over again. And again. And, um, again.

Writing it down is part of acknowledging how I feel and celebrating the fact that I’ve had five years as a full time and part time mum-at-home. And it’s been the hardest role I’ve ever had to fulfil. Over the years it’s been challenging, frustrating, difficult, stressful, irritating, boring, aggravating. It’s made me cry, question myself, doubt myself, dislike myself and want to run away and never come back.

It’s also been fun, relaxing (occasionally), and enjoyable, has made me smile and laugh, and has given me the most wonderful moments I never want to forget.

Of course, I know all of this will continue as I continue my journey as Juniordwarf’s mum – and I would have had all of those feelings no matter what type of motherhood role I’d played up until now. It’s all part of being a mum – well a parent really I guess.

But despite it feeling like a loss now, saying goodbye to mum-at-home is not so much a loss as it is another change in my role as Mum.  That role has already changed and evolved many times as Juniordwarf has grown and changed, and it will continue to do so as he continues to grow, reach milestones and face the many challenges that are before him. But perhaps this feels different to the more subtle changes that have already happened, because, unlike the gradual changes, it will be a sudden stopping – much like the end of breastfeeding was for us. I guess it’s like the feeling that some mothers have when their children start high school. It must be a similar sudden and clear-cut change.

I really don’t know, but I’m glad I had the opportunity to spend as much time at home with Juniordwarf as I have over the past five and a half years. Despite how hard it’s been juggling work and home, I don’t think I would have done things differently. It worked for us. Mostly. So as well as farewell to mum-at-home, this is a time to celebrate everything she has done over the past five and a half years.

________________________________________

Juniordwarf’s educator very kindly took some photos for us today of his last day at daycare. Thank you K. They are great, and are a wonderful memory of his last day.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people who have worked with Juniordwarf both at the centre and through Family Day Care. We will miss you.

Walking out the gate for the last time.

P365 - Day 363 - fun afternoon (and year in review 10/12)

For today’s ‘let’s get out of the house’ trip, we ventured a little further afield and went to Alpenrail in Claremont. 

It’s a model Swiss Railway, which has been operating since 1985, and apparently is one of the biggest in the world.

Juniordwarf had already been there with his Grandmother and was very keen for a return visit, but neither Slabs nor I had been.

It’s rather cool to watch the show and see the trains running around the track, and the amount of work that has obviously gone into the model is phenomenal. It took seven years to build, plus ongoing work sine then.

There are also some smaller models that visitors can operate themselves, as well as the most beautiful faery garden, which I would have loved to have taken the time to explore, but which Juniordwarf rushed through at his standard pace.

After that we went to the Montrose Foreshore Community Park, where there is a huge climbing rope structure in a great kids playground. Every time we drive past the park, Juniordwarf tells us how he climbed to the top of the climbing frame the day he went there with his class.

When we got there I appreciated exactly how tall it was, and thought that Juniordwarf meant he’d climbed to the top platform.

But no, he meant to the actual top – as high as you can go.

I was terrified watching him. Even though his climbing skills have improved dramatically in recent months, I thought that this was a bit much of a challenge for him.

As I watched him go higher and higher, past the platform, I was preparing myself to have to get in there as quickly as I could in case he fell off. I was fully expecting him to.

Oh mother of little faith.

He had no fear, was completely sensible about the whole thing, navigated the route that suited him best, made it to the top and then all the way down without a hitch.

It was all I could do to stop myself saying, ‘be careful’, but I bit my tongue. He knew what he was doing, he’d done it before and I had to let him know I believed in him.

Once he’d made it safely back to earth, we tried out the exercise equipment, and then set off on the recently opened Boardwalk, which is part of the Glenorchy Arts and Sculpture Park (GASP). 

I have a photo of the boardwalk in development from back in April.

As the boardwalk was being build, Juniordwarf had been fascinated by it as we drove past each morning. He’d say, ‘I like all the blue-y bits. I like all the orange-y bits.’ And so on until the end.

This was my second (and Juniordwar’fs third) walk along it. I think it looks a lot better when you’re actually on it than it does from a distance. The different colours are fascinating and I love how the main colours blend from one to the next.

I wonder what the walk is like from Juniorwarf’s perspective, as he’s not quite tall enough to see over the top. I get the impression he’d get the feeling that he was basically walking through a giant liquorice allsort.

It was a fun afternoon.

Year in Review (10/12)

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

October: Yeah! Cookies!

I loved so many of my October posts. It was impossible to pick a favourite, so I settled on this one, because who doesn’t like choc-chip cookies?

P365 - Day 362 - Salmon Ponds (and year in review 9/12)

It was one of those afternoons where we just had to get out of the house, so we went for a short drive to the Salmon Ponds.

Juniordwarf had fun feeding the rainbow trout (note if you will, the fine capture, by iPhone camera, of the fish food in mid-air) and we had a short walk around the grounds.

Then he said he wanted to come home.

So that was that.

Year in Review (9/12)

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

September: Travel-log Day 2

From our holiday to the mainland - the day we drove through the beautiful Kusciuszko National Park.

P365 - Day 361 - the pirate caterpillar (and year in review 8/12)

Juniordwarf helped me in the garden.

What I mean is, he played in his sandpit while I spent hours clearing out vegetation from various parts of our yard. Then he wanted me to fill his little clam shell pool up.

I didn’t want to say no, because I’d already told him we weren’t going to the pool today and I didn’t want to disappoint him again. But the clam shell pool is located off to the side of the house, under shadecloth, in the fenced off area where the dog can’t go, and I was working in the main yard.

He’s not at the age where he can be left unsupervised in water, so I had a problem.

Luckily there was a shady area just near where I was working, and the beauty of the clam shell pool is that it can be detached from the sand pit part and moved. So that's what I did, and Juniordwarf played happily in his pool while I continued the clearing out process.

Win-win.

After he got out and had dried off, I told him he could put his same clothes back on. He didn’t want to, and insisted wearing an ensemble that included the green stripy pants that I’d made for his Very Hungry Caterpillar costume for Book Week. 

Ok, well they weren’t intended for general wear, but he didn’t seem to care. He put on his antenna headband and his pirate eye patch and announced that he was ‘the Pirate Caterpillar’.

I’m just glad that something I made has actually been worn more than once. 

And . . . now that I have my very own sewing machine (courtesy of Lil Sis, Mr Tall and my mother), I’ll be able to get out the pants pattern I used for the costume and make some more pants for Juniordwarf that fit around the waist and in the legs – something that has proven to be more and more of a challenge when shopping for clothes.

Year in Review (8/12)

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

August: Giving the inner critic the boot

A post, and a day, I am really proud of. Somewhere between the miserable post from July that I posted yesterday and this one, I started to feel like I could make some of the changes in my life that I think I need to make. This is an example. 

P365 - Day 358 - getting ready for Santa (and year in review 5/12)

I know I’m a bit ‘bah humbug’ about Christmas, and this year it feels like it’s snuck up on me faster than usual and I’ve been so busy that I haven’t got organised and just haven’t felt very festive at all.

But this hasn’t stopped Juniordwarf, and his excitement has slowly but surely rubbed off on me.

He is so excited and it’s so much fun to see. He’s been talking about it non-stop and he has his heart set on getting a Harry Potter book from Santa.

(We’ve had several chats with him explaining that Santa can’t bring kids everything they want, and suggesting that he not get his hopes up for everything on his list so that he’s not disappointed if everything doesn’t turn up. We’re hoping that the “scary teeth” he wanted, and his big surprise present will make up for the disappointment.)

I even elicited his cooperation to tidy his room (a bit) before he went to bed in case Santa couldn’t get in there to leave his presents. (Yes, I did stoop to that. And I know I’m not the only one who did . . . now it’s just a matter of how to get him to do it on the other 364 days of the year.)

Tonight we hung up his Santa sack (or “Zak” as he calls it, getting confused with the dog that he never knew) for Santa to put his presents in. I asked him if he wanted to put a snack out for Santa, so he left out a couple of biscuits and a cup of water (well, we don’t want Santa to be drink-driving, do we?)

He was just thrilled to be doing all this, and we loved watching him. It’s the first time he’s really gotten into the whole Santa thing, and it really is good fun!

I can’t wait to see his face tomorrow morning.

Year in Review (5/12)

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

May: I love Mum

My first hand made gifts from Juniordwarf. I was really touched. It still has pride of place on the fridge.

P365 - Day 357 - Derwent Estate (23/12/2011) and year in review 4/12

So you’re driving home from work on December 23 and you see Derwent Estate Wines is open.

Do you:

(a) keep driving?

(b) call in and get some wine for the festive season?

Year in Review (month 4/12)

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

April: 10 Murray Street

I thought it was fitting to feature this post again, as earlier this month the Resource Management Planning and Appeals Tribunal dismissed an appeal against the proposed demolition of this building.

The demolition was a central part of the Parliament Square project.

We heard this week that the group “Save 10 Murray”  which opposes the demolition, has appealed against that decision, among other reasons, on the grounds that the building’s application for heritage listing was never assessed.

So the saga continues.

P365 - Day 356 - on the bus (again) (and year in review 3/12)

One of the lucky door prizes at our BBQ today was for someone who could prove they came to work on public transport or by means other than their car.

This was my effort.

It was a random draw, and I won.

Yay!

2011 in review: month 3/12

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I’m going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

March: Gone Fishing

http://sleepydwarf.blogspot.com/2011/03/p365-day-72-gone-fishing.html

the year in review - 2/12

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end, I'm going post a link to my favourite post from each month this year over the last 12 days of the year.

It’s fitting that today was Juniordwarf’s last day of school for the year, as February’s ‘back to the future’ post is about how I was feeling the week before he started school.

http://sleepydwarf.blogspot.com/2011/02/p365-day-40-countdown-begins.html

This is a chance to look back and reflect on how much has changed since then and to look forward to next year when he will be a full-time school kid.

I suppose in one sense, this year was a practice for next year when he starts his first year of compulsory schooling and attends five days a week. Dabbling his feet in the water to get a feel for how it works.

Next year he will well and truly be part of the system, just as Sarah Macdonald wrote in her post that I quoted in my post

I have a touch of sorrow that my son is entering the first institution of many he’ll encounter in life.  From now on he must fit into the system and join the mass of the mainstream. Soon he’ll be assessed, ranked, judged and assigned marks. For his own good, he’ll be part of a system that increasingly likes to test and rate and label – ‘gifted, talented, dyslexic, hyperactive, challenged’ etc.  My son will have to negotiate a microcosm of society; a zoo where he’ll have to fit in, be cool, make friends and not lose them within the frenzied hive of the playground. He’ll have to wear a uniform, he’ll have to eat when he’s told, sit when he’s told, put his fingers on his lips and repress his rambunctiously annoying ways.

I fully understand Sarah’s ‘touch of sorrow’. I felt it too.

But I suppose ‘the system’ is not necessarily a bad thing. We live in a society, and a society needs rules and structure in order to function. And people need to live and behave in accordance with those rules and boundaries for the same reason.

Of course there will always be the rule breakers and boundary pushers in both beneficial and harmful ways – if not, society wouldn’t evolve – and for everyone to always live safely within the system would create a much less diverse and interesting world. (I can feel myself going way off topic here . . .)

What I think I’m trying to get at is that while I want Juniordwarf to be able to fit in and live in the society of the day, I don’t want him to blindly follow ‘the mass of the mainstream’ if he believes it’s not right for him. I don’t want him to accept everything he’s told without question, but I want him to be able to be able to make judgements about what should be challenged and to believe in himself strongly enough to challenge it.

I want him to learn for the sake of learning, not for the sake of getting a good mark. (I know. This is all very well in principle, but you often need good results to get anywhere. I wonder how you find the balance between the two?)

I look back on my school days and my university days and – even though I didn’t notice it at the time – everything I did was focused on getting a good result at the end of the year. No wonder I didn’t enjoy studying.

Even as I write this, I wonder whether what I want for him is really what I would have wanted for myself, if I was able to take myself back to the start of my school days and begin all over again. I wonder what would have happened had I not strived to be so ‘good’ and ‘smart’.

What sort of person would I be now? Would I have spent so many years putting myself down for never being good enough if I hadn’t gotten into the mindset that I could always do better very early on?

And ‘good enough’ for what, exactly?

Or would I be in a totally different position if I hadn't done as well at school and at uni as I did?

And were those good results really that important in the grand scheme of things? 

This is all such new territory for me. Trying to help my son navigate his way through this world so that he can form his own opinions and develop his own values, can develop a strong sense of respect for himself and can take responsibility for his actions. Giving him the guidance and help he needs without over-compensating for the things I think I’m missing and without being overbearing.

It is such a huge responsibility that sometimes it completely overwhelms me and I want to retreat back into the system.

But I simply can’t let it overwhelm me. This is real and it’s happening now. And all I can realistically do is what I think is best here and now, based on the information I have.

To stop questioning myself and get on with being Juniordwarf’s mum.

Tomorrow: March

P365 - Day 355 - the end of school

Today was Juniordwarf’s last day of school for the year.

When I dropped him off today, I took a few photos of him in his classroom, the room he’s been in for the past two years – last year in pre-kinder and this year in kinder. A room that I’ve come to know very well and that we will see, but no longer be a part of, after today.

I took some photos of him with his teacher and his kinder aide, who have been wonderful - encouraging and supportive of Juniordwarf in his first year of formal school. I remember the doubts I had at the start of the year as to whether he was ready (is there anything I don't doubt?), but he has proven them to be completely baseless, and the staff in his classroom have contributed a huge amount to his development this year. I can’t thank them enough.

As has come to be normal when dropping him off these days, I waited with Juniordwarf in his classroom until the bell went, letting him lead me around the room, showing me things he’d done that were proudly on display. I read him one of his favourite stories and watched his classmates dance around the room, clearly excited that the year was almost at an end.

What a contrast to his first day – which sometimes seems like a whole lifetime ago, and at other times feels like it was only yesterday.

The uncertain, nervous excitement of the first day in a new school was replaced by almost a party-like atmosphere, with kids who were comfortable and relaxed in the school environment. There were no anxious parents waiting to see how their child would react, no uncertainty as to who puts what where, no nervous ‘hellos’ and wondering how we were going to remember everyone’s names, no tearful goodbyes.

Oh except for me.

As I watched how well adjusted Juniordwarf and his classmates had become, how comfortable they were in the environment and with each other, I started to feel a bit teary that this was the end of another stage of his life.

Just like on his first day.

This post still makes me cry.

And leads me into . . . the year in review - 2/12

P365 - Day 354 - on the bus (and the year in review 1/12)

Juniordwarf doesn’t travel on buses very often, so he gets very excited whenever he gets the chance for a bus trip.

The first few times, he sat right up the front in the seat behind the bus driver. If you haven’t sat in that set before, let me tell you that there is not much leg room for anyone bigger than, well, a school kid.

After that wore off, he decided that sitting down the back was more fun, as was having an entire seat to himself and moving between seats during the trip.

Today we decided to go into town to do some shopping and meet Santa. Last year, rather than park in town, we went on Hobart Council’s shopper shuttle service where you can park at the Regatta Ground and catch a free shuttle bus into the city. Even though it was only a five minute ride, Juniordwarf loved the fact that we went on the bus.

He was very keen to do it again this year, so we did.

On the way in, he sat up the back.

On the way back he sat on one of the side-facing seats, which he was particularly taken with, because we were ‘going sideways’. So that was a bit different. (He’d also been fascinated, on his class visit to the Transport Museum recently, how some people sit facing backwards in a train.)

We saw Santa, he had an ice cream and we got some shopping done.

I think he enjoyed himself.

And now for something completely different. This:

2011 in review: Month 1/12

Since my Project 365 is rapidly coming to an end - there are 12 days left - I'm going post a link to my favourite post from each month since the start of the year over those 12 days.

Today, we return to January, and one of my very first blog posts. 

It’s about an event that I was terrified of attending, and very nearly didn’t, but was so glad I did because it helped me to believe in myself and my ability to go out and talk to people. I think that going set me up for a lot of the changes I’ve made over the course of the year.

http://sleepydwarf.blogspot.com/2011/01/p365-day-8-tweetup-812011.html

Tomorrow: February